I should not have to do this alone. I should not have to send 2 girls back to school in the morning instead of 3. Back to school time used to be fun. It's terrifying. Seeing all of the school supplies E used to beg me for at the store and knowing that now it's too late to give in and get them for her. She doesn't have a locker to decorate this year. No 5th grader this year. Only kids at 2 schools. Just me. Just me to make sure the girls make it on the bus, have a lunch made, have all their supplies and papers signed. Just me. I don't want to do this. I don't want them to have a school year where their dad isn't here to help them, help me. I don't want to.
Today started with a little more dread because I knew we would be tackling the car crash today. I really struggled today, as one might imagine I might. We spent most of the day just trying to desensitize me from the numbness I've built up over the past 4.5 years and allow me to feel feelings related to this again. I feel like we were lightly successful. I'm trying to be kind to myself. One of the cool things was that I imagined reaching out to a friend and then after a round checked my phone and found a text from them checking in at about the same time I'd imagined reaching out to them for help. <3 I came back to my room and collapsed for a nap and I'm waiting for dinner to be delivered. I might do laundry tonight, but I might wait until tomorrow. Oooohhhhh, such big things happening here. Haha! I've decided that it's important for me to share several articles from the crash as well as for me to review them again, so if you decide to look at them - here t...
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